Why Settle?

Remember being a kid and allowing yourself to dream? Being creative and playful allowed us to come up with all sorts of things to do and be but somewhere along our timeline we stopped dreaming. Yes, life’s responsibilities and the need for survival presented itself but why stop dreaming? I think many of us stop dreaming because of how vulnerable it can be. It takes courage to hope for what is uncertain. To feel down when things don’t go as planned yet still have the courage to believe in something we want. Allowing ourselves to feel is not easy. Allowing ourselves to feel hurt, crushed, or disappointed for example. But when we allow ourselves to feel we also experience the deepest of pleasant emotions too.

Settling has never been something I was interested in. I have this weird philosophy about life that allows me to fight for what I want. The philosophy is, “What else is there to do?” I mean it. I personally don’t see the point of being alive and choosing to just take what is in front of us. Life is like one big learning adventure so why not explore? Explore your deepest desires and believe that you can do it because why not? Regret is something I’ve seen from other people, and it scares me to think of being 70 years-old and knowing there were things I could have done differently but I allowed fear to get in the way. It scares me more than change. Since I was a child, I had to learn to embrace change and see things as opportunities. I am not sure where this mindset came from being so young but that’s just how I felt.

Part of being a therapist allows me to help people embrace change and not to settle for the things they do not want. Ultimately, it is up to them, but I believe in modeling for others what we talk about. Every time we say no to something we do not want it communicates that we are worth more. When we reinforce with our behaviors that we are worth more it is more likely that more will present itself over time. I want to stress the “over time” part because I think many people get discouraged when things do not take place on their timetable.

The way I see it, what is a few rough years compared to having a life that you really want? I would rather take 5 years of saying no to the things I do not want so I position myself for more. Everyone’s process looks different of course so there is no way to predict what your scenario would be, but I encourage you to begin communicating to yourself with your actions that you are worth more.

Examples could be:

Saying no to a relationship that you know wouldn’t give you want you want in the long run.

Saying no to a job that you don’t see propelling you to your overall goals.

Saying no to friends/peers who want you to do things that could harm your future.

The list goes on, but I hope you can take something from this article and begin to dream again. You are worth that!

Talk soon,

Amanda