Freedom from Fear: Escaping the Self-Sabotage Cycle
Self-sabotage is described as the act or habit of behaving in a way that interferes with one’s goals, well-being, or relationships (dictionary.com).
Imagine trying to go to a destination with no map, no GPS, or instructions from anyone. The odds of you getting there are slim to none. Many times, this is how it happens with self-sabotage. When we are striving for success in our personal or professional lives self-sabotage can step in because we haven’t been given adequate instructions on exactly what turns to make. We are traveling to an unknown destination with little information on how to get their so naturally our “old” programming kicks in and takes us to a familiar or “safe” path. It’s almost as if self-sabotage is coming to rescue us from the “unsafe” path. For example, say you are used to being in a toxic or uncommitted relationship and then a new relationship presents itself that exemplifies commitment and trust. It is understandable that someone who has not experienced or witnessed healthy relationships struggles to adapt to the new destination. In many cases it is not on purpose that the person will sabotage the relationship.
Subconscious thoughts are stubborn, and they are not just going to stop and transform just because we are experiencing something new or are trying to go down a new road. Sadly, many people are not well versed in their subconscious thoughts, which is why people seek support through therapy or other means. What people do notice is that the behaviors or habits they are having are not conducive to the success they want in their careers or personal relationships. I tell my clients all the time that no one is wanting to think thoughts such as, “This is too much” “I am not enough” “I can’t handle this” I will be rejected” and so on. I bet if you walked up to a stranger on the street and you asked them if they had such thoughts, they would probably look at you as if you were crazy. The reality is it takes radical honesty and a willingness to work through these issues so that we can have success in our professional and personal world.
To jump start your process here are some indicators that you are dealing with some not so helpful thoughts. You notice yourself feeling anxious, overwhelmed, helpless, fearful, sad, confused, or embarrassed more than you would like. Keep in mind these feelings are not abnormal for anyone to have but we may sense there is a problem if these feelings are constant and show up in specific situations. You may notice every time you try and succeed these feelings keep pulling you back and preventing you from moving forward. This is an indication that the subconscious mind is acting up and needs to be addressed. Another indicator is how certain behaviors show up in our day to day. If you notice yourself overworking, dismissing praise, not following through with things, holding back or procrastinating, this could be an indication of deeper concerns that need to be addressed.
It can feel unfair or that we are fighting an invisible monster who is out to get us, but the truth is we have the ability to gain control over this invisible monster. With the right support and tools, we can begin taking back some control. I notice many people get caught up with feelings of shame that they are bad or there is something wrong with them for feeling and behaving in certain ways, but I would guess you were not given a proper road map on how to navigate the world or you did not feel safe enough to let someone know what was going on in your head. You may have thought you would be judged or ridiculed. And while I don’t know your personal concerns, there are tools available to support you.
Tools such as therapy, practicing mindfulness, and journaling. It is important to know what we are taking in through our 5 senses. For example, the images we absorb, the music or media we take in, the conversations we engage in with ourselves and others. You would be surprised how small changes can drastically impact your world. Change is not something that is easy to approach but if you’ve read this far, I believe you are open to change and want to explore more on how to fight those invisible monsters. I’m rooting for you on your journey and remember you are always worth the help you need!
Talk soon,
Amanda