Empower Your Language
Language is how we connect and understand others; it can bring us together or disconnect us. Language is not only what connects us to other people but what connects us to ourselves. Paying attention to the things we say can feel like a chore I’ll admit but it can tell us a lot about ourselves. What we think can easily slip out of our mouths for better or worse.
Why is empowering our language important? Because if we look at the life we have created, it is a direct result of what we have believed in and said about ourselves. Our subconscious thoughts can come out of our mouths through things like joking, slips of the tongue, and in casual conversation when we feel comfortable. We want our lives to reflect the things we truly desire and represent the best versions of ourselves.
My question to you is has your language been empowering or harmful? Self-compassion is an example of empowering language because it allows you to speak kindly to yourself, which can feel like an act of war when we have become comfortable being self-critical. Recently, I noticed myself being self-critical about a meal that I made and while it was easy for me to be critical when my husband echoed those words, I felt angry. But why was it okay for me to say something negative about my meal but when he echoed what I said that was not okay?
In that moment I recognized that I was not being compassionate to myself. It is always interesting to see these types of things play out in real time because you get to reflect on what is happening. I bet many of you reading this would not be okay if someone said something critical to you but find yourself being critical towards yourself more than you would like.
Empowering language also reflects the self-belief we have in ourselves. An example of self-belief would be “I am going to get this done” as opposed to “I am not sure if I can do this”. I have caught myself many times minimizing myself with the words that I use. Doing this does not encourage confidence but rather showcases doubt in our abilities. While there is nothing wrong with acknowledging ways we can grow, we do not have to belittle ourselves to do so.
I notice in American culture that it is normal to showcase self-doubt as a means of being humble or so others will not think we overestimate ourselves. I am here to tell you to STOP doing that. You can showcase humility without doubting your skills or abilities. You do not have to make others comfortable with self-doubt. If others feel uncomfortable, I promise you that it is not your problem and has more to do with their own issues. If we constantly feel we have to feed others by expressing doubt towards ourselves then how can we grow? How can they grow? This formula is a recipe for disaster. Despite how uncomfortable others may feel around us they can learn to respect us more if we first respect ourselves.
Our self-awareness can be our best friend or our lack of awareness can be our biggest enemy. It can take having an accountability partner such as a friend or partner to help us in this area. Also, people like therapists and coaches can help with this as well. The point is to have recognition when this happens. As a therapist, I can admit it has taken time to be mindful of the things I say about myself. It is not a spotless endeavor, but we can learn to pay attention and make corrections.
So here are a few tips to do so:
- You can regularly journal or record yourself on a voice recorder free flowing ideas and thoughts.
- You can ask the person you are around the most to give you honest feedback about yourself and the things you say.
- You can connect with a local therapist or coach to help with accountability and give you tailored tools for your journey.
- You can say your wildest dreams out loud and reflect on how you feel.
Lastly, I want you to think about the messaging that influences your language. Are you around people who are constantly negative? Is your work environment filtered with complaining 24/7? What about at home, do you feel peace or is there consistent turmoil? While you cannot control others around you and your environment may be unpleasant, I want you to consider how that is influencing you? These things can present barriers, and while it is important to understand their influence it does not have to have the last say. If your environment is unpleasant, I encourage you to insulate yourself as much as possible. If you can reduce engagement with people, bring your headphones if allowed, take time to yourself on breaks. Begin to take control where you can, and it will make a difference.
Talk soon,
Amanda